I haven’t been here in ages, but here I am once more. Sometimes I’ve wandered by, gently nuzzling the past, remembering, before passing again. I’ve gently pulled apart the covering, ever-green ivy to see what time had hid underneath.
I have missed the old days and I have remembered them and smiled. I have backtracked and doubled back and wandered these paths now and then, watching my own pawprints, trying to remember who I was back when I wrote these things, thought these thoughts.
Time has pulled me along in its currents. Friends found. Friends lost. Things discovered, things covered and recovered. Over and over. New patterns made, old patterns fading. Growing. Growing.
And so, once more, my paws bring me here, to my own long lost proving grounds. Known. Unfamiliar. Unknown and overgrown.
For a few years now, I have been here very rarely. My blog hasn’t felt like my own place, but a place for others. It has had too much pressure. It has felt as if every thing I write has to be several thousand words of deep, profound knowledge, and sometimes I’m not profound. Sometimes I want to write things that makes no sense. Just for fun.
Sometimes I want to just write about pain and anger and sadness and disappointment, and I want to feel as if I’m allowed to do this here as well. I need a place like this, for things like those too. I have to stop being afraid to upset or disappoint (the probably inexistent) people who follow or read this place in hope of finding life-altering insight.
This is my place. Perhaps if I write life-altering words of wisdom that will be all good and well, and I will be happy about it, but… but I want to write these other things too.
And I’m tired of not doing it.
So I will try to do it now and reclaim this place, from the ivy and forgetfulness.
/pao – 1 sept 2015 – 23.55