2015
09.21

A few days ago, I wrote down many of these low spoon recipes for a friend, and I thought that I should expand upon them a bit and put them up here in service for other people who might need some low spoon cooking ideas for bad days.  Some of these need a bit more preparation than others, but those who need that generally make up for that in being great to cook a bigger batch of and then keep in the fridge and heat in portions or to eat cold in order not to have to cook again for a few days.

For these recipes, I haven’t added any measurements, because honestly I don’t really use measurements when cooking.  Most of these are pretty much just about using the ratios you want and are happy with.  Perhaps one day I feel like having a lot of tomatoes in something and another day I’m out of tomatoes and making it anyway.  None of them are set in stone.

Take them more as inspiration and some sort of foundation, then experiment with the ratios and the seasoning to suit your tastes!  I use basil a lot, but perhaps you want other herbs and like them better, so go with what you want.

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2015
09.10

Pao Pain Scales

I’m not pleased with most pain scales I’ve seen out there.  Many seem to be for sudden and not chronic pain.  So thought I’ll make some for myself, relevant to how I function.  They will be for overall pain levels, local pain levels, and headache pain levels.  Perhaps they might also be helpful for other people, but mostly they are meant to explain how I myself work, for future reference and for people who are wondering what I mean whenever I start sounding like the Shipping Forecast, going; “Right hip five, stabbing.  Left waist seven, constant.  Head three and rising slowly.”

Here is a first draft for my pain scales.  I have experienced all of these pain levels, and I try to provide examples of what they might be like where I can, but sometimes pain is difficult to explain.  I’ll improve them over time, and they might change when/if I keep on experiencing new kinds of pain and reaching new pain levels, but it’s a start.

Note that overall pain levels might be very much lower than any local pain level for parts of me.  If for example I have an arm and a leg which are both at five or six temporarily, I might still rate it as an overall four for the day or the moment if I can still function decently.  An overall ten would be much, much worse than having just a local ten, even if at those levels I tend to fall unconscious, and that’s probably a good thing.

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2015
09.02

from Twitter, this morning

I’ll put some tweets from this morning up here on my blog as well, for future reference.  Because things on twitter passes by too quickly to be very useful to look back on.  I’ll make them more into paragraphs and put them in italics.

Trying to wake up.  My ribs hurt when I breathe, and the pain in my side is worse.  Oh, and headache and nausea.  Guess I’ll get used to this too, eventually.  Mornings are getting worse.  More and more difficult to get up.  More and more pain and nausea to overcome.

The headache is the most worrying to me.  I can generally deal with unspeakable levels of physical pain, but can’t deal well with [headaches].  I need to figure out a way to deal with all of this.  Just sitting up to take my meds made me almost throw up.  Pretty sure this is not something people in general have to deal with.

Know what?  I’ll start ranting about my pain and things like that on my blog.  Because ranting helps, but twitter’s not the right place.  Won’t hesitate to rant here either, but I think my blog can help too.  It’s more steadfast in the crashing rivers of time.  Notes and rants here on twitter is mostly gone without a trace three days later.  The passing of time is felt honestly in the tweetfeeds.  And in the middle of the great chaos my life currently is, I will need stability.  Less ephemeral ghosts, more sturdy hugs.

But with shabbat and hung gar and my blog, I might find enough stability and routine to keep me grounded.  Safe places to hide and rest.

For me who is a creature of patterns, getting lost in the patterns of hung gar is just as easy as getting lost in the patterns of grammar.  I know I told myself I wouldn’t hung gar if I had to take painmeds, but it’s gone pretty well thus far so that rule made no sense.  As long as I focus and try to be careful, I think things will go all right.  So, I’ll attempt hung gar today as well, if I get well enough to leave my lair at all.  Although no one at the hung gar seems to believe I’m just too lazy or that I’m just skipping out on them for fun when I don’t appear.  Which is great, because it’s true, but I really wonder where all their understanding comes from.

Last night I also made another attempt to return to 100Words, and I have found some places on Twitter with people who do creative writing with prompts and topics and stuff.  I hope I will be able to join that fun too.  Together with Nanowrimo, this should be enough creative writing outlets for when I can and feel like writing but can’t think of anything small.  I need more confined spaces to fill.

/pao – 2 sept 2015 – 14.54

2015
09.02

returning to long lost places

I haven’t been here in ages, but here I am once more.  Sometimes I’ve wandered by, gently nuzzling the past, remembering, before passing again.  I’ve gently pulled apart the covering, ever-green ivy to see what time had hid underneath.

I have missed the old days and I have remembered them and smiled.  I have backtracked and doubled back and wandered these paths now and then, watching my own pawprints, trying to remember who I was back when I wrote these things, thought these thoughts.

Time has pulled me along in its currents.  Friends found.  Friends lost.  Things discovered, things covered and recovered.  Over and over.  New patterns made, old patterns fading.  Growing.  Growing.

And so, once more, my paws bring me here, to my own long lost proving grounds.  Known.  Unfamiliar.  Unknown and overgrown.

*

For a few years now, I have been here very rarely.  My blog hasn’t felt like my own place, but a place for others.  It has had too much pressure.  It has felt as if every thing I write has to be several thousand words of deep, profound knowledge, and sometimes I’m not profound.  Sometimes I want to write things that makes no sense.  Just for fun.

Sometimes I want to just write about pain and anger and sadness and disappointment, and I want to feel as if I’m allowed to do this here as well.  I need a place like this, for things like those too.  I have to stop being afraid to upset or disappoint (the probably inexistent) people who follow or read this place in hope of finding life-altering insight.

This is my place.  Perhaps if I write life-altering words of wisdom that will be all good and well, and I will be happy about it, but… but I want to write these other things too.

And I’m tired of not doing it.

So I will try to do it now and reclaim this place, from the ivy and forgetfulness.

/pao – 1 sept 2015 – 23.55