today’s tweet

“I want to keep you alive so there is always the possibility of murder, later…”
#recoil #imnotatallfeelingverywell


Tiny humanlings.

Today I met my almost-sister.  It was a deeply frightening experience, but in a very good way.  I might have to change my mind about children; there was definitely intelligence in her eyes, and there was definitely reasoning in her head.


Also, she read me a book.  She does not have real Swedish words yet, but she was sitting down, pointing and making sounds at me.  She read me the book, and then she started reading it again backwards.  And then she read it to me upside down.  It was really communication.

I played her the kyrie on the recorder.  I played a bit, and when I tried to stop she grabbed the recorder and put it back against my lips.

She was rather silent.  I’m still exhausted now, but not at all as much as I thought I would be.

/pao – 19 jan 2012 – 23.17



This blog is closed today in solidarity with the blackout against SOPA/PIPA.



arranging and rearranging
find and hide and throw away
tidy and clean and dig deep
after trash-buried treasures
and forgotten floors

make room for new things
and old things reborn
make room to grow
throw out impossible dreams
in the face of
unrelenting reality
and keep the dreams
that do not harm


I’m bleurgh today.

I had a dream this morning.  I was out on a dark ice surface at night.  I tried to talk to Kadanina, but he would giggle and send me long texts and was quite insane.  I found a cave at last where a friend of mine was.  He gave me a statuette made of clay, shaped like some sort of reptilian version of some Great Old One and then left.  I hugged the statuette and then I decided to explore the cave.  In the cave I found Cthulhu, but he had regressed into being a bit like a great, green octopus.  I woke him up and he looked a bit annoyed and upset by this, so I found a homeless man and dragged him there so that Cthulhu could eat him.  After that, Cthulhu loved me and slithered around my legs a bit.  I went to a castle, but people there hated me.  I called for the red dragons, and they came and burnt the guards and soldiers to death.

It was really strange.

/pao – 15 jan 2012 – 20.02


Back from vacation.

In my absence I have still been writing every day.  I will publish the entries tomorrow.

Until then:


/pao – 14 jan 2012 – 23.28


Did surprise laundering today, in the most disgusting laundry room I have ever been unfortunate enough to visit.  I could not leave it in that state, so before I left I cleaned it a bit.  The people who use it is usually very stressed and probably have very little time.  I really hope they get happy when they see that.

Perhaps I ought to make it my weekly charitable thing to clean that laundry room.  Perhaps put in a nice wipe rag or something.  At least a garbage bin.  Perhaps some flowers or something.  Perhaps not flowers due to allergy reasons, but still..?  I should be able to do something.

/pao – 10 jan 2012 – 23.21


(double halo)

Today when I went out for a walk in the grey, cold haze of really small snow crystals, I came down the hill and met this sight:


A rainbow.  It was so beautiful that I just had to stop and take a photo.  It was magical.  Then I decided to walk on, happy about the beauty that nature sometimes just throw at me.  I was not at all prepared for this when I came around the corner:


It was not an ordinary rainbow, it was a halo around the setting sun.  It literally robbed me of breath for a moment and I stopped dead just staring at it.  It was so beautiful I almost started crying.


And not only that; it was a double halo:

During this entire time, no one else had stopped.  I had seen no one look up at this magnificent sight.  I almost wanted to point at it and jump up and down in sad ecstasy and say; “Look!  Look!  Just look at that!”  It was not until several minutes later a mother came from the train with her child someone noticed.  But it was me it noticed at first; stopping, looking at me, noticing that I was looking up at something and then;

it grabbed its mother’s sleeve and said, in surprise; “Look mommy, the sun!  The sun!”

Its mother looked up in awe for a moment and then she hurried on.  To my knowledge, we were the only three that saw it until I met a person I know slightly and showed it to her through a window.

This makes me feel a bit sad.


The colours did not come out well in the photos, and they are a bit blurry.  But this was an awesome sight AFK.


This is one of the reasons I never get bored at watching nature; it always has something beautiful and ephemeral to throw at me and to others at well.  Just stop and have a look, and try to find it.

You can spare a minute a day, I promise.  And it will be worth it.

/pao – 10 jan 2012 – 00.23








diving dragons

diving dragons





butterfly moon

butterfly moon



She could no longer feel time passing.  The only thing indicating that time was not at a complete stop was the expiry dates on the milk slowly creeping forward, and this could just as easily be a conspiracy.