(cold day)

There is real autumn outside now. It is cold outside now.
It is rather cold inside my lair as well.

I feel that I care less and less about what I end up with in the end.
Alone or not, it doesn’t matter, but I wish I could know.
But longing for one and hoping for the other is starting to wear me out.
And staying is starting to wear me out.

I’m not good at hoping.  I shouldn’t do hope, it never ends well.

I might post something else later.

/pao – 8 oct 2010 – 15.48


after much struggling, i managed to take the mirror which was hanging over my bathroom sink down..  now it is beside me in the sofa, keeping me cold company…

i miss the mirror i used to have, back in the paoroom in the yellow brick house by the forest..  the reddish wooden frame where i would put small notes to myself…

but this will have to do.

hi there, mirrorpao..  i have missed your company, and that smirk you get when looking back at me, with mirror cold eyes…

/pao – 8 oct 2010 – 16.39


i have bought hair gel..  the mane on the back of my head is now pointing in all directions..
sitting alone, listening to The Cure, talking silently to mirrorpao, who still doesn’t seem very pleased to see me again…

i should eat..  i have a lot of food at home at the moment.

i wish i could get lost in the wilderness, in the embrace of forest and making my shelter of birch branches, spruce branches for a roof, a bed made of autumn leaves…

but that life is not mine to live.

/pao – 8 oct 2010 – 19.53

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