2010
09.21

this morning, I had another one of those dreams about meeting Neil Gaiman on the underground train platform. He looked rather lost, so I told him he should come with me because I had tea and food. The world was rather strange, and the day after I took him out to see the strange silver-metal towers in the valley, and the purple man-high mushrooms in the emerald green grass by the river. It was pleasant. I would, however, like to know why I dream about him now and then, considering that I have exactly one book by him (the one including Dream of A Thousand Cats) that I got from the sister of my male or so, a few christmases back. But they are pleasant dreams, and there is tea, and no one dies. So, I’m not going to complain. Dream-Neil is good company, and we talk about stories and tea. One can do a lot worse than that. :3

But yes. Would still be interesting to know why.

***

Feeling slightly better at the moment.
Have food, liquid and rats. Yesterday I curled up on the balcony, curled up in a blanket and ate celery. Called Kadanina. Said good night, and then I curled up to cry a bit. Then I took photos again. I have almost gotten addicted to photography. Sometimes it feels as if I forget to look at things with my own eyes, because I’m too busy photographing them.
I should write a story about someone who is blind, and who only can look at the world through his camera lens. Because without it, he can’t see…

“Such a beautiful sky!” has been replaced by “Oh dear, I should take a photo of this!” I might have to take a step back and learn to just look at things again. Look at them, and remember that they are temporary. Watch the clouds change colour and see the lights fade away.
And accept them for what they are, instead of trying to capture them in digital form. And again see the beauty in all flowers, all clouds, all lights instead of only the ones that would be a good photography, caught, frozen in time forever.

***

a lamp in the darkness

a lamp in the darkness

an island of light in the night

an island of light in the night

***

Time to tidy up a bit more, and to try not to feel too frozen.

/pao – 21 sept 2010 – 16.39
(my truth is hidden between the lines of unceasing words / in the darkness between two light posts…)

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