2010
03.06

And so, I went off on an adventure. I packed my bags, and then I flew away. And, it wasn’t bad. The flying was scary at first, and then… and then it was wonderful.
Kadanina met me at the airport and helped me get to his home. I was confused, happy and still in a state of shock. (In some ways, I suspect I still might be. And still… I feel safe here. I feel.. at home. In a way I have never felt at home, even at home. At least not in a very, very long time. I have felt it at Aiw’s place as well, now and then. But not like this. It feels nice, and safe, and natural.)
Sometimes, I go and sit at the top of the stairs, and look down to the door. And feel safe. Perhaps because it’s a safe place in itself; an almost-cliff where I would have the upper hand on any attacker. Where I would see danger approach. But also, it’s not that simple, even if V really appreciates it.

I feel like I have settled in. Which terrifies me slightly. I am here. And I feel safe here. I have been here for three nights and two days. Soon it will be my third day. But, it feels like I have been here longer. I might be very adaptable, but not like this. I’m usually really twitchy on other people territories. But not here.
I settled right in, in the corner provided. And then I got happy.

Perhaps it is because he’s not a predator, not a threat to me. At least not in such a way. I can feel safe here, because I don’t think he will fight me for food, kill me for my meat, drive me off.. I can feel safe here because we are different, not competing over food or space.
And also, I feel welcome. I feel like I’m wanted. Not just allowed to stay because driving me out would be a bother. But allowed to stay because I’m actually wanted here.

But still, still it is rather strange. Because even when Kadanina is gone, and I’m alone here, I feel safe. I usually don’t feel safe when alone. But I feel surprisingly safe here.
It creeps me out, in a way. Because I usually understand myself very, very well. And I can’t figure this out. I will wonder about it until I do though. Because I find it interesting. And it teaches me a lot about myself.

So far, all is going well. In general, there is no snow, which cheered me up a lot.
It is cold here though. I’m getting used to it.

*

Things are going well.
Still feeling pretty unreal and strange though.
But I am used to that. I don’t mind.

/pao – 6 mar 2010 – 03.38 am (English time, I believe)

(I should go to bed now.)

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  1. (THIS IS SPAM, but I just found it funny.)
    I organize this post to be deeply useful. I am using it in a gazette I am calligraphy at college.

    (I want to organize my posts to be deeply useful as well! Please tell me your secret! Also, I want to be calligraphy. Sounds beautiful.)