2010
02.23

marrana, marrana, narhile (narhil) nahndaiao.. prandhe, asha narooiao, naii morrhao.. hawsha mitao, mitah ooraiao..
(little cat, little cat, sing the song that belongs to your heart.. listen, the death that belongs to your life, the light that belongs to the dark.. the ash that belongs to the strong, powerful wind, the ash that belongs to the grounds…)

the spring is returning, but it will yet take a while.. but for once, it feels like it can wait…
because now I have hope again.. for a future, with meaning and purpose…

the patterns are clear, once again.. once again marrana’s eyes are clear, and her purpose is known.. once again marrana knows her place.. once again she feels safe in her position, in her capability and knowledge, in her mind.. the patterns make sense again, and they are stronger this time…

marrana, your song is wanted.. marrana, sing!
sing a song for the returning spring, a song of joy for finally seeing it return.. it is in the light, the light has changed.. you can already see it, marrana.. you know what the change of light means.. just another month, and the sun will take over.. every day it grows stronger.. soon, the fire will return…
soon there will be the celebration of fire, a new year, a new start, and life will wake up…

do you see the buds on the trees?
life is not dead, life is but sleeping, dreaming in the cold..
waiting, like you, little cat.

but you, you woke up.. too early.. but what you found was worth it, wasn’t it, marrana?
(it was, it was, it was)

spring is returning.. soon, you can relax, soon there will be food, soon there will be life.. for the sleeping world, and for you.. for all those who sleep, survive, make it through the winter.. for all us who is waiting, restlessly watching the returning light.

sing a song, marrana; a song of fire, of courage, of grief and joy.. you know at least two beings who didn’t make it through this winter; sing for them.. you know pieces of your heart that had to be sacrificed to make it through the winter; sing for them.. you know what you had to leave behind, you know the pain of starvation, how it feels when breathing turns your body to ice.. you know this, so sing it, marrana

sing a song, marrana; a song of pain and suffering, strength and hope.. the light is returning, little cat.. you can feel it, see it, sense it, but not yet taste it, not yet catch its scent… the winter still freezes your tongue, the air still hurts your lungs when you try to catch breath and sing… but soon

do not let your guard down yet, marrana..
the cold is still out there, with a soft, white coat and icicle teeth, sharp as knives..
do not fall asleep again during the starvation.. you have woken up too soon, but you have to stay up now..
there is no turning back.. if you wander out there again without a proper shelter, you will die
but you don’t have to.. you can stay here; stay in their warmth, in their home, in the safe, until spring returns.. you have battled the winter, you have danced in the snow, you have slept and dreamt
but now you have to return to them, let them warm you until the sun thaw your bones.
it is alright, little cat.

being strong is knowing when you are weak, and accepting it.. accepting your limitations and doing what you can to solve them.. sometimes, that means a bit of help…

marrana, out lady Bastet cannot kill.. our lady Sekhmet cannot create…
both are needed, both the creator and the destroyer..
and Anubis, who sings the dead to rest

do you remember when you used to sing the dead to rest, little cat?
(who will sing me to rest?)

the fire, the warmth, the food, the patting and the laughter..
do not forget what you have, even when you wander out to do battle with the winter, the storm, yourself, little cat.. remember? you wanted to be free, to be allowed to come and go as you wanted, do you remember, little cat? that they would be there, let you sleep in their arms, let you share their fire, that they would understand when you had to leave, and trust you to return?
to what use is that wish if you walk out the door and forget that they exist?
you have danced with the snow, done battle with the winter, you have starved and you have slept out in the cold.

it is time to return, little cat.
the dream has ended; now it is time to remember.. grieve that which died, which froze, which ended.. the pain, the starvation, the cold…
the dream has ended; now it is time to remember that which you still have…

remember, and return now…

*

now I have to walk off to bed.

the tears are gone for now, and the fire has made me stronger.. the winter made me cold, starved me.. but now I has worn the snow in my hair, adorned myself with jewelery of ice.. now I have dusted my face with ash, and my eyes have life once more…
my clear glass cut my frozen skin, and my blood was still red, still flowing, still warm
my tears reminded me of the sea
the pain reminded me of Life.

I am still alive.
I am alive, again.

A part of me died in the fire, and now another part can grow.
We have to know what has to die, and what can be saved.
What is broken beyond repair, what can be mended.

The scars are there.
Time to remember.

*

marrana, marrana, narhile (narhil) nahndaio.. prandhe, asha narooiao, morrh naiiao, naii morrhao..

*

I have songs to sing.
Songs of fire, grief and joy.

/pao – 23 feb 2010 – 06.37 am
(narooio marrana)

No Comment.

Add Your Comment