“Without seriousness the body dies, but without playing the soul dies.”
Once upon a time I wrote that, and I believed in it.

And I still do.
Only sometimes, I forget.


Vingnut (grey mouse) seems to be singing her last song. Will sleep on the sofa tonight, watching movies, keeping her company.


It is very strange.
Life is strange.

/pao – 8 jan 2010 – 04.37


(new year)

Not only have I been terribly busy, but also physically unable to log in here and update the blog due to chronically misspelling my password. Obviously, that last problem is no more.

Christmas was celebrated with my dear Marrawa’s family/families, and New Year’s Eve with Marrawa and Narraiao.

I got many nice gifts. I felt very loved. I have bought whisky. I have a laptop again. I am terribly tired.
I have made a very unplanned and fun trip to my abban in the North.


bring him to me without bruise nor scar / white as snow / clean and whole / with fear not dulled off by drugs / and I shall mark his body with claw and knife / cut my name deep into his flesh / and make him cry / and make him tremble / all for me / all for me…


The old cockroaches are dying off, but they are old. So it’s not unexpected of them. Still it is a bit sad, and makes me a bit melancholic.

They just slow down and stop. Like wind-up mechanical toys. Slow down and stop, with legs gently folded to their sides as if they were just sleeping.
Just stopping.


I am going to England. Hopefully I will know when soon. But it scares me. Can I do it? Can I do this? Can this go well? I think it can go well. And that also scares me.

What to do? What will it become of Pao?


I have read a lot of Latin. I am very happy. The patterns are clearer now, and the edges less fuzzy. And yet, I have no one to test out my theories on. I have one, but I can’t bring myself to. Not yet.

Soon, perhaps, but not right now.


Now, rest.

The winter is beautiful and deathly cold outside the windows,
and the tea in the mug in my paws is warm.

/pao – 02 dec 2010 – 17.05