2009
12.01

(heraldry)

So, today I started writing on the forum about heraldry that I joined some days ago. I really hope I don’t make a too big fool out of myself. But you never know.

I wrote a short introduction about myself, and then I put up my idea for my own weapon. I am quite afraid, but I hope it will go well. They seemed to be good and nice people, but I don’t know. They are still people, and I seem to bring out the worst in people.

Too nervous there to be able to write well, or thoughtfully. I hope they forgive me. And I really hope to be able to write good things and bring something good to the forum too.

***

you are the dream that takes me through the winter snow…

***

I want to breathe, but it hurts too much.
I want to sing, but I can’t.

***

does it matter who we are, if we cannot change?
I don’t think I have ever changed that much, because when I think about how I used to be… sure, I have grown, I have matured, but all my passions in life, all my major personality traits, all my character flaws… they are the same.

If we cannot change, who we are seems to be even more important.
But I think we change. I think we do.
Just never in the ways we want.

***

In the terrible adventure of each night, whose irrational daring springs only from the ignorance of danger.. the doors open wide, and streams of unknown flow into the sleep..!” (Devil Doll – Mr Doctor)

***

V wants to see the sea. The cliffs and the waves, and feel the wind. I feel a bit sad for her for not being here the last time we were to England and Scotland. I remember trying to put my jacket on, and actually lifting from the ground.
I think she could have liked that.

I don’t like the sea. The sea scares me.
But, wind.. the feeling of the wind pulling me… I like that. I love storms, I love hearing the thunder and the rain.

***

I need morning tea now.

/pao – 1 dec 09 – 18.44
heralds don’t pun, they cant

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