2009
12.13

(empty pages)

for three days, i have had an empty wordpad document open.. ready, if i should decide to write anything, listen to me if i should decide to speak…

but all i say, i say to them..
no words left for myself…

Mothersister was over last night.. she held me in her arms and spoke of hunting, with her soft voice filled with love.. wrapped up in her arms I found comfort, rest and warmth.. my dear Mothercat, speaking to me, her kitten, of things I had forgotten.. a mother cat telling her kitten about the joy of the hunt, the taste of blood, the sound of suffering.. and I told her things I hadn’t been able to tell anyone in a while.. wrapped up in her arms with her soft voice in her head, speaking to me at my level, it felt like a dream…
a wonderful, restful, peaceful dream…
soothing, calming, slipping over me like something cool, something fresh.. Calming.

and I snapped my teeth together and grinded them as if severing some poor prey’s spine, and sometimes I extended my claws.. and her soft voice in my head was just like a dream.. speaking of death and violence and pain and tears, lovingly…

And now I feel a lot better.
I will probably sleep good this night too.

/pao – 13 dec 09 – 05.08

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