the tones, the notes are gently off, and everything is vibrating slightly, so very slightly out of sync..

the harmony and the scale is slightly off..

and the silence between the bursts of vibrating air is deafening…

the only time when I feel deep is when I feel as if I was drowning.

yet, every year, every single year when I come back, it feels as if I return from a dream, a journey, into cold and unloving – yet safe – arms.

the whole world is preparing for the cold, the starvation, the death, the hibernation.. as do I.

perhaps in the spring I will awaken, once again.. crawl out from my burrow and blink in confusion at the bright, warm light.. and then once again light my New Year’s fire, and sing.

perhaps, perhaps I will survive the winter, the cold, the starvation.. perhaps my fur is warm enough, perhaps my burrow is deep enough under the snow…

I don’t know.

the tune is slightly off this year

not even the cold is crystal clear…

/pao  17 oct 99+10  22.37

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